Story Behind the Poem

I remember making this painting and immediately after my mind kept repeating “the story behind this painting” and my heart felt like a poem was needed to explain the depth of it. I was struggling through the grief of my daughter’s dad’s death and not knowing how to be there for her without smothering her was really bothering me. Making this painting and writing this poem brought me so much comfort.

The Story Behind the Poem

When I wrote this poem I was struggling terribly with both grief and depression. It was coming up on the 1-year death anniversary of my daughter’s father’s murder, my cousin had just gotten killed in Baltimore a month prior and a good friend of mine (ex) had just committed suicide. I felt like I was losing it because all I felt was sadness and pain. The more I was sad the more this feeling of anger brewed inside of me. I was angry at the cowards who wanted to play God and take lives. I was angry and frustrated with God himself because I felt like, how can I be begging for relief from my pain but then it’s always 5 more things added onto it. My pain was causing anger because it was so overwhelming. Angry because I was always prepared to protect my kids, but not from a traumatic loss such as losing Montereo. Some days there are feelings of being lost in the process and trying to help my daughter grieve healthily. I was even angry at myself for grieving, isolating and not being able to control the depression no matter how many scriptures I read, prayers I prayed, poems I wrote and art I created all the pain was still there all the same. This pain and sadness seemed to have weakened my faith and I was so angry at myself. I felt like my mind and body had no more strength or energy to fight. Sometimes I’m still angry and frustrated with myself and my emotions, but always I push through.

Can you relate to feelings of sadness, grief, frustration, pain and anger? Is there anything you do to help yourself work through these feelings? Please feel free to share in the comment section.

The words of a single mother trapped in the thoughts of her children’s feelings of being fatherless. It’s not easy doing it alone. Sometimes I don’t have all the answers to their wildest questions. I don’t know how to answer the “where he at? Why he don’t call?” Questions anymore. How do you explain to your kids its not their fault their sperm donor missed out on the biggest reward in life. I love writing when I’m emotional because when you read it you can see my attitude change and the poem becomes uplifting & Encouraging. My poems never end on a bad note. Being a single parent gives you strength, double the love & you get to give double the love. 😍😍 #momlife #bloglife #bosslife #poetryistherapy

Have you ever had a story to share,

But you’ve been silenced?

You feel as if you’re shouting,

Yet itsi coming out as faint whispers.

No one wants to listen.

Have you ever been beaten,

But no one would listen?

Cried out for help,

But they think you’re crazy.

Nah, what’s crazy is constantly being

abused and raped, but no one wants

to listen.

The woman is blamed for looking too

pretty, having too little clothes.

The woman is blamed for “his” aggression.

She’s told SHUT-UP!

Dont fight!

Submit!

Give up!

See me, I can’t be silenced.

My story is too big.

&& I have kids.

It’s getting to the point,

this pain I can’t bare.

And so far this fight isn’t fair 😭

How do you see the light when the

sunshine is no longer bright.

You’re tired of this game .

Game of Life or death.

But I won’t die.

Im going to cut the tie that’s

snug all over my body,

So that I can get up and fly.

With every soar, my story I

will pour.

A little here.

A little there, because Shaquana will

NOT shut up or give up.

The fight is mine.

And I’m sure to win it in due time. 😊

Written by: your’s truly Alaze’ThePoet

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton